they all call you names
but I still think of all your best qualities
selfless. caring. loving. trustworthy
you engraved your name in my heart
and slowly slipped away
if I knew that night in February,
would be the last time seeing you
I would have
stayed out longer
hugged you harder
admired your face longer
held you closer longer
-XOXO chana
we are all just lost souls
tryna find love in this
mad mad world
Love –
something we all crave and need
yet it the hardest thing to find
brings out the best and worst of you
something we fight for even when we shouldn’t
this four letter word
holds so much power
-XOXO chana
rest in peace
to what
we had
2 years strong
but in the end
you betrayed
the tiny thread
of trust —
you broke me
now,
I keep
digging up
the grave
of our love
to reminice
all that we
once had
-XOXO chana
I still
check up on you
In hopes that
someday soon
you will
come back
home to me
I keep
wishing upon the stars
for you to return
I find my self
talking to the stars
because afterall
you are my guiding star
-XOXO chana
they tell her to move on
they say he’s
a cheater
but they don’t know him
like she does
___________________________
She misses
those stolen glances
his eyes
his smile
his hugs
those study dates
___________________________
he once used to call her
with endearing terms
now he calls her
crazy
mental
psycho
delusional
-XOXO chana
they say
home is where your heart is
but you stole my heart
I fell in love
with a Ajax wasteman
now all these familiar places
are shifting to unfamiliar
I feel lost
wandering these lonely streets
without you
-XOXO chana
when I was losing my mind
going stir crazy
stuck in the house
you told me you would be there for me
if I needed anything
you would help
yet 6 months down the line
history was repeating its self
and you,
stood there and lied to my face
told me you didn’t know who I was talking about
said I should move on —-
I am not stupid
I caught on very quick
I noticed the small things
I many have anxiety and depression
But my memory is sharp
I write everything down
to show y’all once all the lies end
even when I call you out on the lies
you switch the conversation
you smirk
you smile
you laugh
y’all are playing with my life
as if I am a puppet
I am still waiting on a
sincere apology
-XOXO chana
you said
you would be there for me
you said
you wouldnt hurt me
you said
you would protect me at all costs
you said
that you would be consistent
you said that
you were in it for the long haul
yet —-
you aren’t here
right when I need you most
____________________________
was I wrong to trust you ?
was I just another piece on your chess board ?
was it all just a game for you ?
was it my anxiety that pushed you away ?
was my actions the cause of this ?
-XOXO chana
They tell me they lied for me
To protect me –
But at what expense was it at ?
2 years of nothing but lies
2 years of waiting on him
2 years of crying my self to sleep
2 years of being treated like I’m crazy
2 years of scheming
2 years of depression
2 years of suicidal thoughts –
The only things keeping me from ending my life
Was my girls specifically M,A,S,T,
They were the ones by my side at my lowest
They were the ones that motivated me to get better
They were the ones who validated my feelings
They were the ones who were there for me
at my lowest and darkest nights
They were the ones I spilled my heart out to
Because I couldn’t trust my family
So this ones for them.
Thank you for sticking by my side.
Thank you for being there
Thank you for making me realize my self worth
Thank you for giving me the love I needed to heal
Thank you for providing me words of affirmation
I love you guys to infinitely and beyond
-XOXO chana
the history of my people
runs in my veins
the stories of inhumane acts
run like a film roll in my head
the legacy of my family & tamils
keeps me going
everything I do is to honour
my blood
the history of tamils
sometimes keeps me up at night
2009 ,
haunts me
my appama and ammama missing in times of crisis
my uncle bombed to death
my aunt left widowed
how do they sleep at night
knowing they took the lives of
hundreds of thousand innocent lives
the war left
thousands of my people
displaced
killed
missing
murdered
sexually assaulted
kidnapped
dead
bombed
raped
how did they get away
with the numerous
war crimes
-XOXO chana
