Posted in Poems

love

we are all just lost souls 

tryna find love in this

mad mad world 

Love – 

something we all crave and need 

yet it the hardest thing to find 

brings out the best and worst of you 

something we fight for even when we shouldn’t 

this four letter word

holds so much power 

-XOXO chana

Posted in life

brown skin girl

Growing up, I always felt different from the rest of my family. little did they know the lack of self confidence I faced. 

One anecdote that my parents tell others when they talk about having me is this one. After giving birth to me, I was placed in a box away from my parents. When they finally got to see and hold me I appeared different than I had at birth. My mom immediately told my dad this is not my child – this is someone elses. I had deep dark melanin enriched skin with curly hair. My mom didnt believe I was her daughter. 

My mom says that I get my melanin enriched skin from her father – my grandpa. Growing up in a household with individuals with lighter skin I suffered from lack of confidence. I didn’t look like my immediate family. I looked different and the feeling of indifference stayed with me for majority of my life. 

I had rich brown skin – the only people I felt related to in a sense were people in the movies and tv shows. I was dark skinned and couldn’t relate to anyone in my immediate life.

My insecurities with my skin made me want to hide out and led me to cover up every inch of my body. Even in the summer heat I wore long pants and a sweater. 

As a child, I was bullied by classmate for the colour of my skin. They would make jokes about me and my skin – they made comments like “ if we turned off the lights, we wouldn’t be able to see you”, “your black”, “you got darker than usual”. They didn’t realize at the time but these comments hurt my confidence and would worsen my levels of self esteem. 

Eventually, high school rolled around and by then I embraced by dark, melanin enriched skin. I decided I wouldn’t let others affect my self esteem. I finally started to love myself and my dark skin.

Have you suffered from lack of confidence and self esteem? I would love to hear about it in the comments

-XOXO chana

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Posted in Poems

good ol’days

I remember the

good ol days

simple hangouts

study dates

laughing for hours on end

with bubble tea in our hands

but now things have changed –

best friend turned stranger

you’ve walked out

of my life

with no explanation

but somehow I remain calm

now all I wish you is

nothing but the best

-XOXO chana

Posted in Anxiety, jolly june, Poems, Quarantine Files

he said she said

they tell her to move on

they say he’s 

a cheater 

but they don’t know him

like she does 

___________________________

She misses 

those stolen glances 

his eyes 

his smile 

his hugs 

those study dates 

___________________________

he once used to call her

with endearing terms 

now he calls her 

crazy 

mental 

psycho

delusional 

-XOXO chana

Posted in jolly june, Poems

ajax.

they say

home is where your heart is 

but you stole my heart 

I fell in love

with a Ajax wasteman

now all these familiar places

are shifting to unfamiliar

I feel lost

wandering these lonely streets

without you

-XOXO chana

Posted in Poems

closure

i hear noises 

that translate to your voice 

i see faces 

that shift into yours 

i am haunted by 

the memory of you 

how can I forget you 

if I haven’t

got closure 

-XOXO chana

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Posted in Poems

knight.

you did

a number 

on my heart 

told me

you would 

be my knight 

in shining armour 

yet all

you were 

was a coward

dressed 

in a

shitty cape

-XOXO chana

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Posted in Poems

boi

i am done suffering alone

you’ve had

plenty of time

to make up

your stupid mind

yet

each night your probably with your bois

laughing

at the hurt

you caused

-XOXO chana

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Posted in Poems

season of sadness

the spirit of 

this wonderful time 

of year is gone 

joy and happiness 

doesn’t fill the air 

instead 

all that surrounds me is

loneliness and despair 

i can’t help but 

grieve the loss of you 

my partner

best friend 

other half 


oh —

i would give 

anything and everything

to have you back 

here 

with me 

this christmas

-XOXO chana  

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Posted in life, Poems

meet me

meet me at midnight

at the spot we first held hands

6 months sober

from your intoxication

no need for AA

because I got my gyals


you’ve had plenty of time

to own up to your mistakes –

apologize for your actions

reconcile what we had

yet each night

your probably with your bois

doing stupid shit


meet me at midnight

one last time

— XOXO chana

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