rest in peace
2 years strong
but in the end
the tiny thread
of trust —
you broke me
of our love
all that we
rest in peace
2 years strong
but in the end
the tiny thread
of trust —
you broke me
of our love
all that we
hello loves, I am back with another post 🙂 this post is inspired by Oliva Lucie Blake. so shout out to her. you should definetly go check out her blog.
without further ado here we go.
2. Dream place to live
To be honest I think I love where I live currently, Toronto. I don’t ever really see my self moving but if I were to it would probably still be in Canada like Vancouver or somewhere up north in Ontario
3. A TV show i’m obessed with
4. Last 3 songs I listened to
5. Three people I’d love to have dinner with
6. Favourite Movie of All Time
7. Favourite Animal
8. Ultimate comfort food
9. Favourite Season
10. Favourite Holiday
11. 5 things I love about myself
12. Something I’m proud of
13. Describe your ideal day
14. Favourite childhood memory
15. Biggest Pet Peeve
Be sure to leave your responses to these questions in the comments.
hello :I I hope you guys are staying safe during these trying times with covid-19 🙂 todays post is all about the things I have bought throughout quarantine 🙂 so grab a cup of tea and read
Birthday Presents (gifted to me)
What have you bought this quarantine ?
hello loves, I am back with a new post 🙂 below are my july faves
Youtubers / Content Creators
Recently, my brother started a new venture and creates youtube videos. I love seeing my brother be passionate about something and his love for editing. Let’s run those views up. His most recent video: : NBA 2K20 1v1 wager.
My brothers friend Sharif – whose more like family to the Bales Family. Be sure to check him out for a laugh and subscribe. He films vlogs, challenges, reaction videos and more.
What are some of your favourites this month?
check up on you
In hopes that
home to me
wishing upon the stars
for you to return
I find my self
talking to the stars
you are my guiding star
this quarantine I honed my creative side by doing digital portraits and getting back into painting and lettering. here are some of my pieces. be sure to follow @kanapathicreations on instagram to keep up with my latest work
I love honing this new skill. To place a order on digital portraits please visit either the webiste: http://www.kanapathicreations.com or visit my instagram page @kanapathicreations
Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments
I told you once, not to mess with my mental health but yet you didn’t listen. You need to understand what the past few months have felt like.
I’m done with your scheming – not only did you pretend you didn’t know me but you got my loved ones involved. You got all of them to convince me that there was nothing between us and it was in my head. Everyday I went to sleep with you on my mind and with my tears in my eyes listening to a playlist of sad songs. You were the sole reason for my tears and heart ache. Even when everyone in my life told me that I didn’t have a man – for some reason I still held on to a tiny bit of hope that you would walk back into my life after treating me like complete shit.
I missed the days when you actually checked up on me and treated me well. I missed seeing your face and holding your hand. I missed having you hold me close. For some odd reason – I still made sure to check up on you even though you tossed me to the curb. Everyday I found myself searching you up on twitter and making sure you were okay. To keep you on my mind I rewatched the office knowing that it was your favourite show. I listened to songs that reminded me of you. I wrote to you in my bullet journal. I even wrote you a letter and placed it on Kanna’s desk in hopes that somehow it would reach you. I was losing my mind – everyone in my life was telling me we weren’t together. I even recalled us getting engaged and told my friends about that too. I missed our stolen glances, our meaningful conversations, our study dates, our simple errand runs.
Everyday my mind played the memories of you that I had – from you visiting me in class, bombarding me on campus, visiting Altona road, you picking me up malvern mall, surprising me at chapters, our study dates, our first official date.
I hated being on campus because it reminded me of you. Everyday I walked by the poster for your friends lost dog. You ruined my favourite songs.
No one told me that you got in a car accident because they knew it would hurt me. I know my dad went with you to pick out the car.
Everyday I was treated like damaged goods by my parents and siblings. I was living everyday on the verge of a breakdown. They didn’t let me go to school or work for majority of November. They took away my phone. I couldn’t go on my laptop. They treated me like a child.
What hurt the most is that you lied and deceived me – knowing that I hated when you played with my mental health. The past few months you put me through hell and back. I’ve been feeling like utter shit.
due to quarantine and the corona virus situation – my university has transferred all in person classes to online. so i’ve been studying at home. though it has been hard with the plenty of distractions I have been quite productive. here is a link to a study with me video I have created in the past. stay tuned for a new one 🙂
Maybe just maybe I fell for you too hard too fast. Every waking moment is spent thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. Yet lately it seems like it’s not being reciprocated.
You were the first guy I ever properly spoke to – openly. I told you about my fears, my dreams and everything in between. You gave me a lot of my firsts – first date, first kiss, first talking stage. You became my first boyfriend and i hoped you would be my last. I envisioned my life with you but now everything’s up in flames.
For the second time I’m my life I’ve experienced heart ache and misery. For months on end you brushed me aside like I meant nothing to you. When I tried to reach out to you to see what was up because I missed you – you called me crazy and told me you were dating someone else. Maybe I’m not good enough for you. Maybe I’m not worthy of love.
Not only did you treat me like trash but you got my family and friends in cahoots with you. Everyone’s been scheming behind my back. No one seems to remember that you were my boyfriend when I specially made sure that my parents and family met you before we became official. For someone with generalized anxiety disorder and depression my memory is sharp.
I still remember telling you I wasn’t ready to date you and wanted to just be friends. I was done lying my family, my best friends, who had been there for me at my lowest. I needed to focus on my self and my mental health. I told you I had a lot to work on before I had a mans – I wanted to fix my relationships with my so called squad, I wanted to make sure me and my ex-bestfriend were on good terms. You being the elaborate waste-bucket I know – planned a big ass surprise for me. You went and talked to my parents, you talked to my friends, and my family inorder to surprise me.
I was on campus on April 26th, 2018, during this time you told me to have fun in Sri Lanka over the summer and then we would talk when I got back. I was already starting to miss you even before the trip. I was wondering if you would move on during my trip and maybe find someone else. I was all in my thoughts sitting in the meeting place at UTSC, writing in my bullet journal. When I was bombarded on campus by my cousins. They could tell I was sad – they told me that you went and talked to my parents, that you told them you wanted to be with me. I was shocked – I never expected you to do that, you were my prince charming. Thats when Taylor Swift was being blasted into the meeting place – they told me to look up. Thats when you walked down the stairs with my brother and sister. As y’all were talking towards me thats when my parents popped up and then also perriamma and perriappa. Then you asked me to be your girlfriend.
Fast forward to September – I told you I wanted a break – I needed to focus on school and raise my GPA. You understood and told me okay. We would still talk everyday and text. But then I remember that night in November. You were in the hospital. My parents visited you in the hospital – i was devastated. How could you have done something so stupid?. It was in that moment when I thought I had lost you forever that I realized I loved you. You were the one.
I knew from that moment on I needed you in my life. The dark days and all. You were my source of happiness and joy. I remember the days you used to hold me close. Now everything has changed and I’ve been brushed aside.
I’m left to fend from my own demons by myself. You’ve put me in a constant state of depression. Everyday I’m wishing that you would walk into my life – I can’t stand to lose another person I love. Yet months have gone by and nothing. You don’t seem to care about me.
Every night I fall asleep with tears on my eyes thinking of you and what we used to be. With a sad playlist on repeat. I go to sleep knowing that I can be with you in my dreams.
I’ve reached the point where the pain is greater than my love for you. All you’ve caused me pain now. All I have left to say to you, is why ? Just why ? What’s your reason for all the pain you caused ? Was this really necessary ?
The Baleswarans. Close knit. Loving. Loyal. Privileged. Damaged. Minorities. Trustworthy. Selfless. We live in in Toronto – more specifically Scarborough.
Chana was an ordinary girl. Loving family of 4 beautiful souls who she could depend on. Friends that she believed in. Living with flaws she had learned to love over time. Just a city girl trying to fit in to this world. Shy was her middle name. The type to sit in the corner of a crowded room, isolated from all the other beings in the room. She was a book nerd, loved to lose her self in a good book. Yet one vacation would change everything she’d ever known. Her life would be flipped upside down.
I would to to hear your thoughts after reading this – leave them in the comments below