you said
you would be there for me
you said
you wouldnt hurt me
you said
you would protect me at all costs
you said
that you would be consistent
you said that
you were in it for the long haul
yet —-
you aren’t here
right when I need you most
____________________________
was I wrong to trust you ?
was I just another piece on your chess board ?
was it all just a game for you ?
was it my anxiety that pushed you away ?
was my actions the cause of this ?
-XOXO chana
Last month, on May 28th, Tamils around the world remembered all the lives lost during the 3 decade long civil war. It is our remembrance day, during the final stretch of the war, hundreds of thousands of Tamil individuals were brutally killed. On this day, several school boards in Ontario, government officials and prominent individuals commemorated the genocide. However, Peel School Board District, retracted this tweet and apologized to the oppressor based on a few complaints from some uneducated individuals in the GTA. Tamils across the GTA have been trying to email the district school boards to tell them now much acknowledging this day means to us. In order to stand together and fight this worthy cause, Tamils have been posting on social media with the caption ” I am தமிழ்/ Tamil and genocide is a part of my identity”.
Here is my post to this movement:
In May of 2018, my family and I took a trip to the so called paradise island that travel blogs promote – Sri Lanka – for a month long stay. We rotated our stay between 2 towns: PointPedro and Mallavi. One place my Appa and Aththai really wanted to visit was the Church in Mullivaikal. My Aththai is a strong and resilient women who became a widow in 2009 due the civil war. This spot is where my Appama and Ammama were last seen. This spot is where my uncle was bombed to death. This is the spot that brings chills and goosebumps to my family. This is the spot that brings tears to my Appa’s, Athai’s, Akka’s, Thambi’s and family’s eyes. Speaking about our history as Tamils is so important. We need to educate those who left us to fend for our selves during the war. To educate the countries that did not stand behind us in 2009. To educate people of all races and nationalities. To stand in solidarity for the hundreds of thousands of individuals raped, sexually assaulted, kidnapped, murdered, killed and disappeared during the decades long civil war
I am Thamil and genocide is part of my identity.
-XOXO chana
the history of my people
runs in my veins
the stories of inhumane acts
run like a film roll in my head
the legacy of my family & tamils
keeps me going
everything I do is to honour
my blood
the history of tamils
sometimes keeps me up at night
2009 ,
haunts me
my appama and ammama missing in times of crisis
my uncle bombed to death
my aunt left widowed
how do they sleep at night
knowing they took the lives of
hundreds of thousand innocent lives
the war left
thousands of my people
displaced
killed
missing
murdered
sexually assaulted
kidnapped
dead
bombed
raped
how did they get away
with the numerous
war crimes
-XOXO chana
even on my darkest
I still speak about you
with endearing terms
and spill my heart out
to anyone willing to listen
they say –
If he were the one
he would have ;
stayed
been present
consisten
they call you:
a wastebucket
a fuc boi
toxic
an ass
a cheat –
but I know
in my soul and with everyinch of my heart
the mistakes we were were pure and out of innocence
I need time to grow and bloosom
but I still have faith in
you & us
even when your actions and words tell me otherwise
I miss the old you – the real you
-XOXO chana
Soo, to celebrate my birthday, I will be attempting to post every day in the month of june. I have already planned everything out and it will encompass a variety of posts – lifestyle, university, advice, question tags, behind the scenes – the series, digital portraits, taking the plunge into becoming a non profit organization and more.
I hope you enjoy this ! Hopefully I dont forget about this 🙂
– XOXO chana
