Hello loves. I hope you are all doing well during these tough times with corona.
Here in Ontario, we are now entering phase 2 of corona virus. The number of cases have gone up drastically – from the hundreds now to around 500 cases per day. Soon businesses will be shut down inorder to to deal with the high rates of cases. Notably, the number of cases is prevalent in the younger generation now a days. In the early stages of the virus back in March, most cases were in the elderly population.
My university has transitioned into fully online classes. However the campus still remains open for those who require a studying space or access the resources available to the students such as the gym. This semester I have decided to take 4 classes all in the field fo anthropology. These courses will help to fulfill my requirements. My favourite course this semester is probably human evolution and variation – taught by one of my all time favourite professors Larry Sawchuk. However, staying on top of these online classes have been quite hard. I find my self sleeping in and having to rely on the recorded lectures. At the start of the semester I was motivated for school to begin and even went school supplies shopping with a dear friend of mine. I picked up a few notebooks but I find my self relying on my laptop for notes becuase it is easier and isnt time consuming. But eventually I will be rewriting my notes out to put those notebooks to use.
I find my self relying on my immediate family and just a few friends nowadays. One of my best-friends recently stopped speaking to me so I have just been healing from that. My mother asked about her the other day and I had to lie to her because I didn’t want to deal with what she would say. But I am grateful for the people who are currently in my life and find my self not dwelling on the past so thats good :). As for a job – I am currently on the hunt. I recently updated my resume and have applied for a few jobs. I am aiming to find a job relating to health care as it relates to the field I am studying right now.
This year I launched Kanapathi Creations – it was originally meant to store all my artistic creations. But I have recently picked up the skill of doing digital portraits and have opened up shop for commissions. To see all my past work check me out on Instagram/@kanapathicreations. I will be hosting a giveaway soon to commemorate me reaching 100 followers
Whats been going on in your life ? I would love to hear in the comments 🙂
Growing up, I always felt different from the rest of my family. little did they know the lack of self confidence I faced.
One anecdote that my parents tell others when they talk about having me is this one. After giving birth to me, I was placed in a box away from my parents. When they finally got to see and hold me I appeared different than I had at birth. My mom immediately told my dad this is not my child – this is someone elses. I had deep dark melanin enriched skin with curly hair. My mom didnt believe I was her daughter.
My mom says that I get my melanin enriched skin from her father – my grandpa. Growing up in a household with individuals with lighter skin I suffered from lack of confidence. I didn’t look like my immediate family. I looked different and the feeling of indifference stayed with me for majority of my life.
I had rich brown skin – the only people I felt related to in a sense were people in the movies and tv shows. I was dark skinned and couldn’t relate to anyone in my immediate life.
My insecurities with my skin made me want to hide out and led me to cover up every inch of my body. Even in the summer heat I wore long pants and a sweater.
As a child, I was bullied by classmate for the colour of my skin. They would make jokes about me and my skin – they made comments like “ if we turned off the lights, we wouldn’t be able to see you”, “your black”, “you got darker than usual”. They didn’t realize at the time but these comments hurt my confidence and would worsen my levels of self esteem.
Eventually, high school rolled around and by then I embraced by dark, melanin enriched skin. I decided I wouldn’t let others affect my self esteem. I finally started to love myself and my dark skin.
Have you suffered from lack of confidence and self esteem? I would love to hear about it in the comments
Lately I feel like my life has been flipped upside down. Everything has been going wrong. I’ve been feeling more anxious and slightly depressed. My bestfriend stopped talking to me and I don’t know what I did wrong. She slowly faded out of my life and is now avoiding me. It feels as if no one stays present in my life – they leave as soon as they get a chance. Maybe my anxiety becomes annoying. Maybe im overthinking it. Maybe its all my fault. Maybe she wasn’t meant to be in my life. Maybe I fucked up. Maybe I pushed her away. Don’t get me wrong – I wish her all the best in her future endeavours but I cant help but wonder what went wrong. Will I ever hear back from her?