Posted in Poems

sad girl hours

just when I am finally

grounded

like clock work

november 8

rolls around

I lose my cool

turning bat shit crazy

living sad girl hours

on repeat

reminiscing about all

that we once had

I picture your face

the one that was

once was a warm reminder of home

now breaks my heart

– XOXO chana

Posted in life

september check in

Hello loves. I hope you are all doing well during these tough times with corona.

Here in Ontario, we are now entering phase 2 of corona virus. The number of cases have gone up drastically – from the hundreds now to around 500 cases per day. Soon businesses will be shut down inorder to to deal with the high rates of cases. Notably, the number of cases is prevalent in the younger generation now a days. In the early stages of the virus back in March, most cases were in the elderly population.

University

My university has transitioned into fully online classes. However the campus still remains open for those who require a studying space or access the resources available to the students such as the gym. This semester I have decided to take 4 classes all in the field fo anthropology. These courses will help to fulfill my requirements. My favourite course this semester is probably human evolution and variation – taught by one of my all time favourite professors Larry Sawchuk. However, staying on top of these online classes have been quite hard. I find my self sleeping in and having to rely on the recorded lectures. At the start of the semester I was motivated for school to begin and even went school supplies shopping with a dear friend of mine. I picked up a few notebooks but I find my self relying on my laptop for notes becuase it is easier and isnt time consuming. But eventually I will be rewriting my notes out to put those notebooks to use.

Personal Life

I find my self relying on my immediate family and just a few friends nowadays. One of my best-friends recently stopped speaking to me so I have just been healing from that. My mother asked about her the other day and I had to lie to her because I didn’t want to deal with what she would say. But I am grateful for the people who are currently in my life and find my self not dwelling on the past so thats good :). As for a job – I am currently on the hunt. I recently updated my resume and have applied for a few jobs. I am aiming to find a job relating to health care as it relates to the field I am studying right now.

Side Hustle

This year I launched Kanapathi Creations – it was originally meant to store all my artistic creations. But I have recently picked up the skill of doing digital portraits and have opened up shop for commissions. To see all my past work check me out on Instagram/@kanapathicreations. I will be hosting a giveaway soon to commemorate me reaching 100 followers

Whats been going on in your life ? I would love to hear in the comments 🙂

-XOXO chana

Posted in Poems

longer

they all call you names 

but I still think of all your best qualities 

selfless. caring. loving. trustworthy 

you engraved your name in my heart 

and slowly slipped away 

if I knew that night in February, 

would be the last time seeing you 

I would have 

stayed out longer

hugged you harder

admired your face longer 

held you closer longer

-XOXO chana

Posted in Poems

love

we are all just lost souls 

tryna find love in this

mad mad world 

Love – 

something we all crave and need 

yet it the hardest thing to find 

brings out the best and worst of you 

something we fight for even when we shouldn’t 

this four letter word

holds so much power 

-XOXO chana

Posted in life

brown skin girl

Growing up, I always felt different from the rest of my family. little did they know the lack of self confidence I faced. 

One anecdote that my parents tell others when they talk about having me is this one. After giving birth to me, I was placed in a box away from my parents. When they finally got to see and hold me I appeared different than I had at birth. My mom immediately told my dad this is not my child – this is someone elses. I had deep dark melanin enriched skin with curly hair. My mom didnt believe I was her daughter. 

My mom says that I get my melanin enriched skin from her father – my grandpa. Growing up in a household with individuals with lighter skin I suffered from lack of confidence. I didn’t look like my immediate family. I looked different and the feeling of indifference stayed with me for majority of my life. 

I had rich brown skin – the only people I felt related to in a sense were people in the movies and tv shows. I was dark skinned and couldn’t relate to anyone in my immediate life.

My insecurities with my skin made me want to hide out and led me to cover up every inch of my body. Even in the summer heat I wore long pants and a sweater. 

As a child, I was bullied by classmate for the colour of my skin. They would make jokes about me and my skin – they made comments like “ if we turned off the lights, we wouldn’t be able to see you”, “your black”, “you got darker than usual”. They didn’t realize at the time but these comments hurt my confidence and would worsen my levels of self esteem. 

Eventually, high school rolled around and by then I embraced by dark, melanin enriched skin. I decided I wouldn’t let others affect my self esteem. I finally started to love myself and my dark skin.

Have you suffered from lack of confidence and self esteem? I would love to hear about it in the comments

-XOXO chana

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Posted in Dear Diary, life

dear diary pt.3

Dear Diary,

Lately I feel like my life has been flipped upside down. Everything has been going wrong. I’ve been feeling more anxious and slightly depressed. My bestfriend stopped talking to me and I don’t know what I did wrong. She slowly faded out of my life and is now avoiding me. It feels as if no one stays present in my life – they leave as soon as they get a chance. Maybe my anxiety becomes annoying. Maybe im overthinking it. Maybe its all my fault. Maybe she wasn’t meant to be in my life. Maybe I fucked up. Maybe I pushed her away. Don’t get me wrong – I wish her all the best in her future endeavours but I cant help but wonder what went wrong. Will I ever hear back from her?

-XOXO chana

Posted in Uncategorized

so you want to start a bullet journal

Here are a few things that I think you should know before you start bullet journaling

  • You don’t need expensive supplies
    • I started off by buying supplies from my local dollarstore and supermarket
    • Stay tuned for a blog post all about my favourite bullet journal supplies
  • You don’t need to stick to the orginal bullet journaling method
    • Put your own spin on it
    • I don’t include the index pages in my bullet journal
  • You don’t have to spend a lot of time drawing creative spreads
    • Do what you feel is best
  • The simpler the spread the easier in my opinion
  • Pick up supplies to help you liven up your spreads
    • Stickers, colourful pens, washitape, pictures, highligthers

So what are you waiting for ? Grab a notebook and start your bullet journal journey 🙂

-XOXO chana

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Posted in Uncategorized

august plan with me

hello loves, im back again with another post – all things bullet journal related.

I usually find my self sticking to simple and easy spreads. but this month I wanted to try something new and incorporate a theme to my spreads. I decided on friends 🙂

august seperator

I included a doodle of the door and picture frame found in Monica and Rachels apartment as well as my take on the central perk logo.

months at a glance
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I created these spreads a while back but did not touch them in the month of august. for next month I will probably stick just doing simpler spreads 🙂

have you ever thought about starting a bullet journal?

-XOXO chana

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Posted in Poems

good ol’days

I remember the

good ol days

simple hangouts

study dates

laughing for hours on end

with bubble tea in our hands

but now things have changed –

best friend turned stranger

you’ve walked out

of my life

with no explanation

but somehow I remain calm

now all I wish you is

nothing but the best

-XOXO chana